Talk to me about what not to say, and what not to do!

Ever had that ‘it seemed like a good idea at the time’ – only to conclude that this was maybe not be quite such a good plan after all?  Read on, let our professional experience guide you onto the right track of what not to say and do.  

The Empowering Families Top 10  

1. Be very careful with your communication style, particularly with your school. Whilst we can all feel frustration at a seeming lack of regard to the situation, continuous, relentless communication will not be appropriate or beneficial. Schools can and will push back. They will be looking to separate the complaint and the complainant. Should your behaviour include: for example, repetitive emails, phone calls, use of inappropriate language, be abrupt or rude in tone, the school can take steps under their communications policy. A ‘vexatious complainant’ status can be made attributable to you, under ‘unreasonable parent conduct’. This can result in any further communication with the school going directly via the Head Teacher and to the Local Authority, with no direct communication being permitted. It will be the Head Teacher who makes the decision as to whether the correspondence receives a reply, and when. We have attended school meetings where all communication to a class teacher was via the Head Teacher stating if they believed the teacher should reply. 

   
   

2. Social Media posts. Anyone on our Facebook group will know that we have rigorous policies on how and what to post, together with the information we allow and that which we will take down. Safeguarding is our priority, and we enforce this. Sharing of information via Direct Messenger puts your vulnerable child’s information at significant risk. Your child will be traceable, from any personal information that you share, or have shared in the past, and by the potential for your profile to be viewed. The same applies for photos of your child. Those first day back at school photos with the school uniform. It will be easy to identify which school if someone has seen the town where you live, easy to see your child’s name if you have used this in any other Social Media posts. Complaining about your school? A teacher at your school? Issues with a member of staff at your LA, have you named them? Local Authorities use Social Media Monitoring and Social Listening, both gather information on what people are saying on social platforms, for examples – look at Hootsuite, which is used by several Local Authorities. Always post anonymously, only directly share your information with those who are registered with the ICO, who have DBS and who operate strict safeguarding procedures. Empowering Families of Children with SEND Ltd are fully insured, DBS checked, registered with the ICO, and have Designated Safeguarding Officer and Designated Safeguarding Lead members of staff. We have always been a closed group.  

   
   

3. Professional reports. Whilst you know your child best, your own views and wishes will not be enforceable. Copying vast amounts of information from professional reports and pasting these into Section A will not mean that this will inform the EHCP. Asking the Educational Psychologist to put your requests into their reports will not make this the EP’s opinion. It will just say, ‘mum reports’, ‘mum has asked’. See more information on this in our Educational Psychologist report blog.  

   
   

4. It’s ill advised to tell your Local Authority before they issue that you will be requesting a Specialist Independent or Independent Mainstream school. This is huge gift of a ‘heads up’ and provides an initiative to a) Refuse to Issue = 16–18-month appeal, and b) write a Draft that will not be appropriate, meaning B, F & I appeal = 16–18-month appeal. They will have ‘saved’ 36 months of funding. 

   
   

5. Whilst the man with the big moustache may be telling some to ‘Go Compare’ – it’s not something you should be doing with your EHCP and any other. Each EHCP is unique to your child and will be specific to your child only. If you wish to check the EHCP for suitability, you must either check this yourself by cross referencing all professional evidence and ensuring that it is worded legally, or you can engage our highly successful professional bespoke draft checking service, and we will ensure that this is the best it can possibly be. EHCPcheck@empoweringSENDfamilies.co.uk 

   
   

6. On the subject of checking a Draft, it is not advised to request that a) your case officer undertakes this for you – if they had any intention of writing this correctly they would have done so already, b) your school SENDCo, they will not have the expertise in checking draft EHCPs. In mainstream they're only likely to have ever seen poorly worded mainstream EHCPs, and a poorly worded EHCP is a gift to a school. This means they can spend the money wherever they like as it would not be enforceable to your child. Remember that your EHCP is written for your child, it is not written for the school 

   
   

7. Please do not withhold medication from your child in order to present them at their worst. Whilst it is parental choice to medicate for ADHD, stopping medication with a view to a professional making an observation and using this to write their report can lead to allegations of parental misconduct. Educational psychologists will write in their reports that the child has been taken off medication in preparation for the assessment. They will also indicate their dissatisfaction with this, which will not help the child in the long term. 

8. Don’t expect too much, too soon. An EHCP is not a ‘magic wand’. This will help your child, but it may take over a year to make that difference shown, and even then, it will be small steps. There is a lot for your child to take on, and any change must be seen in the context of their not knowing the big picture. We must be the harbour in their storm and allow time for the waters to calm and gently ebb and flow. Once the tide has turned and they will be better able to manage and steer their ship with increasing confidence.  

9. It’s tempting to bung the EHCP in a drawer and forget about it. You did it you have an amazing EHCP!! Your child is in Primary school. Phase transition suddenly happens. Your EHCP is still describing a child who is just learning to read and write. However, the same child is now about to go to Secondary school. All of your professional reports are now out of date. All Educational Psychologists, Occupational Therapists, and Speech and Language Therapists are already booked up for other assessments and have pencilled in additional time to attend Tribunal hearings. Where does this leave you? It is essential that you keep your EHCP up to date, that you as a parent go through this each summer in preparation for the new school year. Anticipate any new evidence that you may require and book this in so that you have the correct evidence particularly for Annual Reviews and most importantly Phase Transition annual reviews. Do not leave it until the last minute, however tempting this may be. 

10. You will feel numb once you have achieved the EHCP with the correct provision and placement. Whilst you celebrate at the news when it first comes to light, that adrenalin is still surging away. Joy often turns to tears, tears to anger at the system. You will want to seek retribution. Who can blame you? Let the dust settle and bide your time. Take some time out. For the length of time your child has an EHCP (potentially until they are 25) you will be dealing with your LA. Complain, yes, use the processes, 100%, but if you are considering using the media, think wisely and play the long game. Choose your time wisely, when the game of ‘cat and mouse’ is drawing to a close. LAs will hold a grudge for many years.  

    This is one of the toughest things a parent or carer can undertake. We all lose it from time to time. We all make mistakes in our reactions and communication, as a lovely chap I know is known to sing ‘we’re only human after all’. We too have stood in shoes like yours and walked a similar path. Every day is step in the right direction. Go gently with yourselves.  

    
    

We are, and always will be, Stronger Together. 

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